beneath the balcony

26 Feb

rainbowballz:

rainbowballz:

I took this picture right after two boys walked past me and not quietly whispered that I looked like ‘a fat cow’. Had this happened to me even a year ago I probably would have been a wreck and I’m not going to bullshit you and say that I didn’t feel anything - of course it hurt. That’s not exactly a great thing to hear. But after pulling out a pair of jeans I wanted to try on and going to the dressing room, I took a few minutes just to look in the mirror, to try and see what those boys saw when they called me a fat cow.

I saw this. I saw me. I saw a nineteen-year-old college student who likes to write and read and blog, who enjoys Disney more than the average person, who could talk about John Green and Batman and Severus Snape for weeks, who shaved her head in November just because she fucking wanted to; I saw the person my girlfriend is in love with, the person my best friends turn to when they need help, the aunt my niece kisses every night before bed. I saw an optimistic young woman who has come so far despite an anxiety disorder that she was convinced would keep her from ever being happy.

I didn’t see my body because it does not define me. And why should I give a shit if two strangers think I look like a fat cow? I shouldn’t. I don’t. Besides, I’d rather be a fat cow than a giant asshole.

It just feels really great not giving a shit. I recommend you all do the same.

myxolydian:

It’s not like you couldn’t lose 30-35 pounds. Just saying, in case you really don’t understand what they were talking about.

Of course I understand what they were saying. I’m clearly chubby, therefore I’m a fat cow. Maybe if I weighed 30-35 pounds, they wouldn’t have called me a fat cow. I’m very aware of this. You seem to have just misunderstood everything about this post, though. I am fine just like this -I’m healthy. I’m doing well. I have great things going for me. 

If you think that I should lose 30-35 pounds, or that I’m a fat cow, or that I’m ugly, well, that’s your prerogative. You can go ahead and think that. The point of making this post was to reinforce the fact that I shouldn’t give a shit, I don’t give a shit, and I shouldn’t live my life according to anyone but myself.

Thanks for being an ass, though.

myxolydian:

No, you don’t understand. You’re not healthy. You should probably lose 30-35 pounds. You are 30-35 pounds overweight because you don’t care. If you cared about yourself or if you cared about the people who have put ime and energy into loving you you would do the right thing and lose weight so you can be there for them longer. Don’t fuck with us. If those people didn’t cut you with the truth you wouldn’t seek validation on the internet. Make your outside reflect your inside. Unless it already does. Then just take it.

Are you my doctor? Do you know anything about my health just by looking at me? I didn’t know you had that amazing super ability. Maybe you should go to medical school so you can wow the fuck out of everyone there with your incredible talent of telling who is healthy and who isn’t based on their appearance. Really. Bravo.

While you’re at it, fuck off.

OH MY GOD, is this ACTUALLY happening?! myxolydian, you can go shave your back now. Who the FUCK are you? Wowza. Anyways, in more important news, this picture makes me do this: 

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